5 Minute Friday- She

On Fridays, a group of writers gather to share their thoughts on a single word. Today's 5 Minute Friday prompt is "She".  Thanks again for another beautiful one, Lisa-Jo! Thinking about my Darlin today and missing her as always.

She

She would have been 90 years old tomorrow.  It's been three years since we said goodbye, and I miss her every day.  Her smile.  Her laugh.  Her whiskey voice.

She made me feel like the most important person in the world.

She loved high heels, Estee Lauder perfume, and the Blessed Mother.

She prayed for me.

She played tea party with me.

She could bake better than anyone I know.

She thought I looked like Cindy Crawford and sang like Julie Andrews.  I doesn't matter if neither of these things are true, because in her mind, they were.

She taught me how to play cards.  How to cook chicken.  How to chop a green pepper.  How to make a Jello mold.  How to pray the rosary.  How to be a friend.

She was my best friend, after all.

She let me drink Diet Pepsi and watch Night Court and wear tanning oil and eat as many pretzels as I wanted.

When I was four.

She taught me that preparing food is all about how you present it.  Or giving a gift, or anything lovely for that matter.

She always wore nylons.

She told me stories.  We laughed and listened and cried and laughed some more.  And watched Jeopardy, and did the crossword.

We still did all of those things together until the very end.

She smoked for a long time.

I used to try to steal her cigarettes.  When I was six, I took all of them out of a crumpled gold soft pack and replaced them with 20 rolled up pieces of paper that said, "I love you" and "Don't smoke!"

She quit.

She started again.

She covered it up with the Estee Lauder perfume.  :)

We called her out.

She quit again for good.

She still got lung cancer.  Cancer sucks.

I miss her every day.

She made me feel like the most important person in the world.  She thought I was beautiful and lovely and smart and funny and stylish and wonderful and bright.

And because of her, I was.

She was.

STOP

 

 

 

 

Five Minute Friday- Story

Ohhhhkkaaaayyy- better late than never!!  We were on vacation, but if you make a promise to yourself you had BETTER keep it, so now I am back and ready to do my 5 minutes on Lisa Jo's prompt this week- STORY.  And can I just say how much I love Five Minute Friday?  I just love reading everyone's takes on the same work and so many times thinking, "me, too!  me, too!!"  And that sort of brings me to what I was thinking today!

Story

I don't remember much at all about when Philip and Daniel were babies.  Less than 13 months apart, I call my sweet little D money (who just turned 5, by the way!) the best surprise of my whole life.  But as sweet and easy of a baby as he was. . .well, I did have two babies.  So I don't remember much at all.  But one day, I do remember.  SOOOO clearly.  Daniel was about 2 or 3 months old, and this might have even been before Phil was diagnosed with his life threatening food allergies so we were dealing with a lot of vomiting on top of oh, you know, probably molars coming in and other toddler stuff.  And on top of it, Daniel was so super fussy this day.  SO super fussy.  Later that afternoon, after his eardrum burst, I figured it all out. . .but early in this afternoon ear infection wasn't on the radar and I was just wondering what had happened to my sweet baby.  In fact, I might have just been wondering what had happened to my LIFE.  I finally coaxed Phil into a nap at about 2 and bounced Daniel to sleep in the Moby wrap at the same time and had a few minutes to myself.  I was thinking about maybe eating some chocolate, or just crying for a while, but then for some reason I sat down at the computer.  And I googled. . ."Babies really close in age" or something brilliant like that.

BAM.

In that moment, a whole world opened to me.  First of all, I discovered that having two under two has a name apparently, it is called "Baby Bunching" and some people actually plan that.  Who knew?  ;) I also discovered in the fact that it had a name, that I was sooooooo not alone.  And not only that, wonder of wonders, I discovered blogs.  I had honestly never read any blogs before besides the ones my friends kept to post pics of their kids before we all started using facebook, and oh. my. goodness.  My eyes were opened.  I started reading these ladies' stories, pouring their hearts out, walking the same walk that I was and thinking, "Yes, yes, oh my goodness, yes!!  I laughed out loud at their stories in the midst of my exhaustion and despair.  I was alone in my basement with nothing but babies and a cat and a huge mess of laundry and toys, but all of the sudden, I was NOT alone.  Their stories reached right through my screen and brought me home to myself.  Everything was going to be OK.

I was not, in fact, alone.

This is what we do when we share our stories. . .we break our lives open to one another, and bring each other in, and it is SO, SO good.  So, blog ladies everywhere, THANK YOU!!  Whether you get picked to be on the parenting page of Huffington Post, or only your mom reads your blog, or somewhere in between. . .your stories are awesome, and you matter.  And someday, somewhere, some desperate young mama in her basement is going to stumble across your honest, open heart and you are going to bring the body of Christ to her right there.  Write on, sisters!!

Write on.

5 Minute Friday- Broken

Lisa Jo's FMF link up is on facebook this week because her amazing post she wrote on love this week apparently crashed some servers or something!!  Check it out.  It's awesome.

So, the word this week is Broken!  A familiar one.  When you have a house full of boys, the fact of the matter is- things break.  Lots of things.  On a regular basis.  That leaves the lady of the house with a few choices. . .lose it or deal with it.  It took me a while to come to the conclusion that #2 was the best way to handle this aspect of my pretty much daily life, and this is when it happened. . .

Broken

I am in the kitchen, putting together some dinosaur shaped sandwiches for my little ones.  Daniel is 3, Philip is 4, and Josh is 1.  This is pretty easy peasy because at this tiny age, the sandwich cutter makes three sandwiches!  2 dinosaurs for the big boys and the crust leftover for the non-discriminating toddler.  Have  I mentioned what an awesome mom I am lately?  Crust for lunch!?? The counter is cluttered as it always is when I am trying to "cook" (and I am going to use that term loosely because really I am just making a turkey sandwich for pete's sake) and the sun is pouring in my window and puddling on the crumb speckled floor.  I am pretty sure I got distracted by the sun or the crumbs and my thoughts or nodded off at the sink or something because before I knew it Word World or Super Why or whatever was over and three tiny friends were bounding into the kitchen looking for lunch.  As I snapped to it and started to scramble to get food on their little plates for them to get into their little bellies, Daniel picks up the sandwich cutter off the counter, turns around, holds it up in the air and just. . .lets. . .go.

Crack.

And the dino sandwich cutter is extinct just like that.  Remember I said I had two choices?  Well, this time I made the lesser choice.  I just lost it on poor, sweet, unsuspecting Daniel over a broken sandwich cutter.  Get down in your face pointing and scolding and angry "lost it".  Seriously?  Now, on one hand I felt pretty justified because Daniel does impulsive things on a regular basis and sometimes it gets a little old.  But on the other hand his heart is gold and his intent is good and sometimes it just gets a little mixed up.  Did I really need to YELL about a broken sandwich cutter?  Did he need to be shamed over that?  If seeing if something can bounce (yeah, that was his reason) is shameful we might need to look again at our definition of shame.  By the time the boys sat down at the table and I walked away for a moment and had all of these thoughts, I came back to find my little friends at the table, eating quietly.  I looked at Daniel with a humble heart and I said, "Sweetie, I am really sorry for yelling at you about that.  I forgive you for breaking my sandwich cutter."

And my little blonde angel of a three year old looks at me with his big blue eyes and says, "Mommy, it's OK.  I forgive you for breaking my heart."  Aaaaaaaaaand then my heart broke.  In a million little pieces.  And I grabbed his little shoulders and I hugged him like I never wanted to let go.

I come back to that moment often.  We have four kids.  And I am really clumsy myself.  Life is messy. Things break, but I never want to break their little hearts, or their little spirits, or my fellowship with them over something like a $5 piece of plastic or a cup of spilled milk or a broken toy or a dish or whatever it is that day.  I'm not saying I don't still lose it every once in a while, because, hey, we're all human here, but if I do I sure do want to ask forgiveness.  Grateful to kids who freely give it to broken me!

(Now, if you want a REALLY good one on brokenness, read my sister's post from last year where she guest posted on Story Fork (a community engaging global disability)

http://blog.99balloons.org/imperfect-vessels-3/

She's pretty awesome.  :)

Five Minute Friday- Belong

So, Lisa Jo's 5 minute Friday is BELONG.  I love it!!  What a powerful word!!  So many emotions!  So beautiful!  I am sure I have so many profound things to say!!  

Or, the only thing that popped into my head is this. . .

Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got. 

Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot. 

Wouldn't you like to get away? 

Sometimes you want to go 

Where everybody knows your name, 

and they're always glad you came. 

You wanna be where you can see, 

our troubles are all the same 

You wanna be where everybody knows 

Your name. 

You wanna go where people know, 

people are all the same, 

You wanna go where everybody knows 

your name.

Yeah.  The theme song from Cheers.  But isn't that what we all want?  Doesn't everybody just need one place to go. . .a living room, a dorm room, a church, a bar, a person's arms. . .where they feel that deep down inside, people are all the same?  Because that's what belonging is, after all.  It's you with me and me with you and we have more in common on the inside than is different about us on the outside.  I need you and you need me and together "WE" are more than one of us alone.  I am me because you are you.  So, let's be together.  And lift each other up.  Laugh and cry together.  Heck, I'll even yell your name when you walk in the door!!  Wow, the more I think about it. . .the Body of Christ sure is a lot like Cheers!!  Let's be Cheers to one another folks.  Make yourself a Cheers for the world!!!  Greet people with love, be their safe place, offer them a manhattan (or just a listening ear I am sure would do) when they feel like a crappy mom, like Sam does for Lilith in the awesome clip below.   I am pretty sure Christ told us. . .people ARE all the same.  And that recognition is how real belonging begins.

Cheers!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4L_vWpTAra8

Five Minute Friday-Present

Once again, my 5 minute Friday is more like a 5 minute Saturday. . .but I promised myself I would do this and I don't want to let myself down!!  I need to show up. . .for myself.   Which is the perfect tie-in to Lisa Jo's word this week- Present

Present

Last month, my Dad turned the big 6-0, and my sister's ministry turned three years old.  Since she was back stateside visiting, the fam decided to throw a huge part-ay to celebrate.  It was so wonderful.  There we were, in my parent's backyard, in our childhood home, with live music, home cooked food, home brewed beer and decades and decades of people who showed up to celebrate.  So many friends and family, from so many phases of all of our lives were present to celebrate my dad's big day and honor my sister's amazing work.  At the end of the night, our heads were all spinning from the number of people who were there. . .the hugs, the laughs, the conversations. . .we'll be reliving it for years.  At one point I thought to myself, I feel so bad!  So many people came and I didn't have the time to talk to each one.  But in reality, that wasn't the point, and it wasn't why they came at all.  They came to be present, so show their faces and their smiles and share the meal and support the ministry and their mere presence alone was their symbol of love.  Presence.  It is the greatest gift we give our friends and family.  We keep showing up, year after year, at the birthday parties, baby showers, housewarmings, hospitals, funerals, on the doorstep with casseroles, on the phone with a listening ear, on the couch for a cry or a good laugh.  It takes love to show up for people, and it is the best way you can express to them your own caring.  I'm here for you.  Physically present, emotionally present, spiritually present. . .and that's the greatest present.  Thanks for the present, friends. It was the best kind!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 minute Friday- Beautiful

So, another five minute friday. . .and by Friday, I really mean Saturday. . .is upon us and I am ready to give it another go!  Lisa Jo's word this week is beautiful. . .easy peasy lemon squeezy as my 5 year old would say!  I will just write about my mom, the most beautiful lady in the whole world!!  This 5 minute friday took me a little closer to 10 minutes because I was interrupted approximately 10 times by my kids, but close enough!!  :)

Beautiful

"Is that the house you always wanted?  Is that how you always thought your house would look??  Are you sad you don't have that house?

Every time we sit down for a family dinner at my parents' house, my little Philip starts peppering his Nana with questions about the Thomas Kincade painting that is over their dining room table.  It's a beautiful Victorian house with light streaming from the windows, with snow all around and carriages pulling up for a Christmas party.  One time she told Philip that was her dream house, and ever since he has been fascinated with WHY she doesn't actually live there.  So, my mom said, "Philip, in my mind that's exactly how my house looks."  and told Phil this story of a movie she saw as a young girl.  It has stayed with her all these years, and it's called the Enchanted Cottage. Basically, just try to read the IMDB reviews and description of the movie and not cry.  (I started crying at the dinner table when my mom was just TALKING about the movie, so I probably shouldn't see it!)  But the point is, love transforms us.  Love makes things beautiful.  My parent's home is MORE beautiful than that Thomas Kincade painting, because of all of the love that is in it.  This is the message that my mom passed on to me over and over again as a child, that love makes you real, beauty is on the inside, the essential invisible inside us.  My mom sees that beauty everywhere, in everyone and everything.  I am so lucky to be her daughter, and to have grown up in her beautiful home.

STOP.

5 minute Friday- In Between

I am so excited to be doing my very first 5 minute friday. . .one of the goals I made for myself recently was to write a little bit more.  The Henri Nouwen devotionals this week was about growing into the truth we speak. . .how our words help us live better and how our words bring us life and bring life to others.  So, even though it is scary to write your heart into the screen and pour it out into the interwebs. . .I will be attempting to do it more. I tend to think to myself, can I really write?  What do I really have to say, I mean, I'm not perfect and I don't know everything and I don't want to pretend to. . .and then, BAM.  This devotional.  In my inbox.

Growing into the Truth We Speak

Can we only speak when we are fully living what we are saying?  If all our words had to cover all our actions, we would be doomed to permanent silence!  Sometimes we are called to proclaim God's love even when we are not yet fully able to live it.  Does that mean we are hypocrites?  Only when our own words no longer call us to conversion.  Nobody completely lives up to his or her own ideals and visions.  But by proclaiming our ideals and visions with great conviction and great humility, we may gradually grow into the truth we speak.  As long as we know that our lives always will speak louder than our words, we can trust that our words will remain humble.

Thanks, HN.

So, long time listener, first time caller.  I am going to do my first 5 minute Friday for Lisa Jo.  Even if this is the only 5 minutes I manage to write this week, it's a start!

In Between

In the way we live today, In Between can tend to have some negative connotations.  In between jobs.  In between boyfriends.  In between childhood and adulthood.  It can feel and sound awkward, itchy, uncomfortable. . .too tight, too loose, unflattering. . .to be "In Between".  I can say that with authority because I have been In Between maternity clothes and regular clothes in three sizes for about 6 years now.  My closet is the master of In Between.

But to me, In Between conjures up some things I really love.  In between a set of clean sheets.  In between a herd of little boys on my couch, snuggled up and watching Mister Roger's Neighborhood.  In between my mom and my dad at a family dinner.  In between the kids' bedtime and our bedtime, when it is just me and the hubby. . .with the cat (or maybe a neglected pile of laundry) in between us on the couch, having a beer and watching my favorite genre of reality television, reality talent competitions.  :)  Yep, I think I like being in between.  Truth is, we are always between. . .heaven and heaven.  Our time here on earth, from when God put us here and when we go Home, it's all just in between time.  Society tells us it's all about the next best thing, but the next best thing isn't here anyways.  We have to learn to relish the in betweens.  Stuck in the middle seems like a good place to be to me.

STOP